Flak Attack

If it’s in the news, the Flak attacks!

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The Spin View: Hillary dances the Congo line

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Like the Lone Ranger racing on the plains busting Silver and her “High Hos,” former president Bill Clinton galloped on some North Korean tarmac, met with Kim Jong Il and traded two captured U.S. reporters for two sweet Cuban cigars and a stained dress.

Evidently, while Hilary was showing off the latest U.S. fashions in pant suits, yet another version of the Jerry Springer show broke out during her presser in the Congo, as seen here:

Nevermind all the kitschy “Lost in Translation” headlines (originated by the great Jake Tapper) seen internationally, Hillary popped her neck, snapped those fingers and told the Congo dude asking about President Obama what’s up.

Gurl, no, you di’nt!

Don’t believe me? Rewind the video and watch her get that gangsta lean on. The way she flops back in the chair after she gesticulates all over the front row because she thought someone had the nerve to ask Hillary about her hubby and his jet setting trip.

“You want me to tell you what my husband thinks?”

That was the beginning of the end. That one blue vein pulsing in her forehead and what little of a smile she quickly was erased by her fangs. As. If?!

“My husband is not secretary of state, I am,” she replied. “If you want my opinion I will tell you my opinion. I am not going to be channeling my husband.”

Keep it classy there, Madame Secretary.

Does that shadow darken more than the sun always shining on your broad shoulder pads? Looks like it may be your legacy in politics unless there is a PR campaign revving up soon to correct this angst and envy of Captain Charisma.

During his sinful ways and non-sexual-relations-with-that-woman, Hillary kept her cool. While he was being probed by every national network in the U.S., she was steadfast by his side.

But now that she’s got the title and he’s some washed-up has-been, his shadow still looms and now she would like to get it all out. The real problem is if some student with a haphazard translator can make her square off that easy, what happens when some starched-shirt GOP acolyte confronts her when she is back stateside?

She going to shank him? Scratch his eyes out. Man up, Hillary. Come on. Who’s the good secretary of state?

Remember what they say, “Smile, and the world smiles with you. Fart… and, well, watch the video.”

POTUS Beer Run: This Bud’s not quite for you

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Nice. It even has a logo. (Not really)

Nice. It even has a logo. (Not really)

So “Beer Summit 2009” took place in the back of the White House last night.

You know, I’m sure Barack Obama put out the Chex mix, peanuts and badly cooked Vienna sausages to give it that feel from “Cheers.”

And so we have the President, Dr. Gates and Sgt. Crowleyand Veep Biden (?!) … all hanging out like a bunch of guys on a weekend pass fresh on the heels of some Amway convention.

Just look at them. How staged was this dumb thing? It’s been in the news for more than week and there’s not even a pool table or a jukebox blaring “All My Exes Live in Texas.” What gives?

Evidently “Happy Hour” wasn’t so happy. Sad, you try to get a few dudes together to play beer pong and quarters and now the Congress and national media get involved. No fun. And spin control at its finest. Yawn.

As if the outdoor-lounging, suit-wearing, Biden-interrupted toast to nothing was bad enough, we have another national debate sparked out of what beer should be shotgunned… er, sipped out on the White House lawn.

In a letter to Obama dated Wednesday, Massachusetts Rep. Richard Neal strongly urges the president not to drink Budweiser, now owned by a Belgian company. Nor should the White House consider serving Miller or Coors, Neal writes, both owned by a United Kingdom conglomerate.

This country’s deficit is going the way of U.S. War Bonds, swine flu is killing everyone but pigs and then there’s that government-run health care idea, and this is what this tool thinks is most important?! Shilling for the president to slurp on a Sam Adams?!

So, for those dunderheads keeping score at home:

POTUS: Bud Light
VPOTUS: Bucklers
Gates: Sam Adams Light
Crowley: Blue Moon

And after the round of suds, what happened? Did Crowley show Gates more moves he learned at the police academy, slamming his grill in the rose bushes outside? Did Gates get so hammered, he began giving Obama nuggies? Did Biden… well, he always looks that way. Nevermind.

Let’s put the brakes on this ridiculous news cycle, everyone. Back to running the country. Places!

Written by theflak

July 31, 2009 at 9:06 am