Flak Attack

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Posts Tagged ‘Swine Flu

POTUS Beer Run: This Bud’s not quite for you

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Nice. It even has a logo. (Not really)

Nice. It even has a logo. (Not really)

So “Beer Summit 2009” took place in the back of the White House last night.

You know, I’m sure Barack Obama put out the Chex mix, peanuts and badly cooked Vienna sausages to give it that feel from “Cheers.”

And so we have the President, Dr. Gates and Sgt. Crowleyand Veep Biden (?!) … all hanging out like a bunch of guys on a weekend pass fresh on the heels of some Amway convention.

Just look at them. How staged was this dumb thing? It’s been in the news for more than week and there’s not even a pool table or a jukebox blaring “All My Exes Live in Texas.” What gives?

Evidently “Happy Hour” wasn’t so happy. Sad, you try to get a few dudes together to play beer pong and quarters and now the Congress and national media get involved. No fun. And spin control at its finest. Yawn.

As if the outdoor-lounging, suit-wearing, Biden-interrupted toast to nothing was bad enough, we have another national debate sparked out of what beer should be shotgunned… er, sipped out on the White House lawn.

In a letter to Obama dated Wednesday, Massachusetts Rep. Richard Neal strongly urges the president not to drink Budweiser, now owned by a Belgian company. Nor should the White House consider serving Miller or Coors, Neal writes, both owned by a United Kingdom conglomerate.

This country’s deficit is going the way of U.S. War Bonds, swine flu is killing everyone but pigs and then there’s that government-run health care idea, and this is what this tool thinks is most important?! Shilling for the president to slurp on a Sam Adams?!

So, for those dunderheads keeping score at home:

POTUS: Bud Light
VPOTUS: Bucklers
Gates: Sam Adams Light
Crowley: Blue Moon

And after the round of suds, what happened? Did Crowley show Gates more moves he learned at the police academy, slamming his grill in the rose bushes outside? Did Gates get so hammered, he began giving Obama nuggies? Did Biden… well, he always looks that way. Nevermind.

Let’s put the brakes on this ridiculous news cycle, everyone. Back to running the country. Places!

Written by theflak

July 31, 2009 at 9:06 am

“Swine Flu” is actually media pork

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The world is dawning surgical masks like they are in style. Americans are considering a mass influx to synagogues or the local mosque. And why?

According to the nation’s hog farmers, “This little piggie can kiss my [bleep].”

pigs-uniteEvidently, as noted in this CNN story, the moniker given this flu bug is a grave misnomer and those aforementioned farmers are winning the battle of nicknames.

This sardonic concoction is actually a mix of human and animal strains, with not an ounce of bacon in sight, yet it’s the pigs who get picked on. Poor ol’ piggy.

“This flu is being called something that it isn’t, and it’s hurting our entire industry,” said Dave Warner, communications director for the National Pork Producers Council. “It is not a ‘swine’ flu, and people need to stop calling it that … they’re ruining people’s lives.

And so, the CDC has now begun calling this dreaded flu strain (and tweeting it no less), “N1H1” but the hog farmers are yawping, “Too little; too late.”

“The real issue is that anything is bad now because producers for the past 19 months have already lost money,” Warner said. “On average they’ve lost about $20 a pig. So even if they lose $2 more, it’s hard on them.

And besides all this talk about pork making me hungry, it makes me think of another thing: It’s not Kosher. Literally.

We will call it Mexico flu. We won’t call it swine flu,” Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman, a black-garbed Orthodox Jew, told a news conference Monday, assuring the Israeli public that authorities were prepared to handle any cases.

Ah well. I don’t see anyone from a big White House calling the Holy Land looking for a mea culpa on that P.C. insensitivity. Maybe I just missed that story.

Anyone bothering the good Muslims? I hear they aren’t big fans of pork roast either. Oy Vey!

Written by theflak

May 4, 2009 at 12:00 pm